#6 Cozy chat about balance, pressure, and self-sabotage - it's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me

18/11/23

Let’s get this started, shall we.

If this is my first blog post you’re reading, hi! Welcome! Get ready for a fun time! And if it’s not, welcome back, glad you stuck around <3

Today I’m planning on a chill little catch up about pressure and some strategies for getting out of a funk. If you’re feeling down, a bit sad maybe, this is definitely for you. If you have been feeling great, good for you!! Glad to hear, you’re very welcome to come along for the ride as well. It’s all soft calm vibes today 🙂 Sounds good? Sounds good, feels good. (I’ve always got the urge to say that but no one gets the reference. If you do, read it as Michael’s intro haha.)

So then, this is off the record, just between us. Enjoy!

Where I’m at:

I just watched ‘Instant Family’ on Netflix and I’m emotional. I’m a sucker for this kind of movie. I laughed and/or cried the whole way through, alone in my room, like a lunatic and I couldn’t care less. Ugh. I love chaotic found family stories with happy endings. I love them with MY WHOLE ENTIRE BEING. If you don’t, if you’re not even a little bit moved, you’re honestly just cold-hearted.

I just realized that whenever I review something I’m always attacking you as if you’re gonna disagree. Sorry about that. I’m sure you would agree if you knew what I was talking about HAHAHHAA.

The movie’s so bubbly and clumsy and full of heart and comedic gold and it doesn’t quite capture how complex adoption and the foster system really is but that’s NOT THE POINT. Like, who cares if it’s realistic or not?? Exactly, no one. It definitely tugs at the heart strings, and by that I mean it rips out your heart and then it serves it to you on a silver platter. Okay, I realize that that was a bit too dramatic. Whoops.

But for real though, stories like this just get to me, alright? Whether that’s ‘Instant Family’ or something like the ‘Six of Crows’-Duology. Which are gritty dark YA fantasy books about a heist. If you know what I’m talking about, you know how vastly different those two stories are, but they make me emotional in an eerily similar way. Definitely check both out.

So yeah. That’s where I’m at. Now I’m on the train and it’s snowing. It’s actually snowing! And my toes are cold but I’ve got my thick winter coat so I’m all good. As long as it snows I’m okay with the cold. If you know me, you know that I generally much prefer the warmth. And I HATE stick season. But now it’s snowing and everything is covered in white and it’s magical. It’s been a really hot year anyway, the hottest in recorded history if I’m not mistaken. *Cough* Climate change *cough*.

Alright, enough intro. Let’s get into the meat of this.

It has once again been a while since I’ve posted on here. I’m trying to make this a bit more of a regular thing, still, but somehow it always ends up taking me two weeks or even a month to write another blog post. Which is alright. I’ll keep trying to make it a bit more of a regular habit. I do write quite often actually but until posts are ready, especially ones that are no off the record (yes, I once again renamed it), it just takes a while. Like song analysis and stuff take me days because I just get so into it haha. And off the records posts like this I usually write on the train (hence the name) but I don’t ride the train all that regularly, about every two weeks. Which is actually regularly enough, I’d say. I just have trouble coming to an end with these kinda posts haha. Could go on forever. Or at least longer than the one hour back and forth. So I’m trying to really just stop when I get off the train, so I don’t then take weeks to finish it off. And I know all of this is probably really boring to you, but it’s part of the topic once again.

I’ve been very consciously trying to stop putting so much pressure on myself. Which is also why I renamed this series of posts. To remind myself that no one is reading this and I’m just having fun and I don’t have to stress about it.

I actually can’t remember a point in my life where there has been this little external pressure on me. And therefore, it’s even more staggering to notice how tense I still am all the fucking time. It seems almost habitual, like my body has gotten used to being tense and now it can’t relax. It’s been quite a struggle to try to get my body to let go of all this goddamn tension it’s holding all the friggin time. And I have in no way achieved that yet, far from it. I think it’s getting a bit better though, with meditation and daily walks and regular sweaty exercise (It’s real sweat. I’m a high performance athlete, athletes sweat. Sweat baby. Ki ki ki, ra, sweat sweat. – Ha. Good god, shit like that is always on my mind. It’s fun, I’m not complaining, but you probably have no idea what I’m talking about HAHA. I’ll just say Daniel Ricciardo and leave it there.).

I’ve made a list of things that help me and put it up on my wall as a reminder. Because self-sabotage has been a bit more prominent as well lately and I’m trying to abstain from that. Honestly, why is that a thing? I’m too damn good at bringing myself down and it’s time to bring myself up. My mind really is my worst enemy sometimes. Too often actually.

There is something that Wing from the podcast ‘Goes Without Saying’ always says that has really stuck with me. It’s along the lines of: “There is a lot in this world that is stacked against you. Don’t put yourself on the top of that list.” I probably butchered that a bit but you get the point, yeah? And that is actually such good advice. Don’t stand in your own way, there are already enough other obstacles in front of you. No need to add yourself to the list.

So, thought I’d share in case it helps. This is not groundbreaking news, just as a disclaimer haha. It’s pretty basic, actually, but that is exactly why it’s been so important to me. I’m trying to build a better foundation, so I can catch myself before I fall too far. Or at least so I can climb back up. A safety net of sorts. Things I can always fall back on that have proven themselves in the past to help make me feel better.

So, this is what is up on my wall right next to my wall in glitter gel pen (not actually haha) and simplistic calligraphy and with pretty little stars 🙂 It’s a list of course, what else would it be:

people to call when I’m upset or down
- Family, friends, anyone that I’m close enough to that they will forgive me if I’m curt or brusk or snippy or just generally irritating and not the nicest, haha. People that I feel comfortable ranting to or sitting in silence with or that will distract me. Because I live alone this is my number one. Get my thoughts out and have someone there that helps me sort through them time and again. Often all I need is to just get out of my own head, get back in touch with reality, get some perspective.
ways in which I like to relax
- Go for a walk, take a hot shower, , listen to music and dance, meditate, putting my feet up, reading, cuddling… you get the picture.
things to tell myself, mantras or whatever
- Things that help me personally are reminders that feelings are fleeting, that my priority is taking care of myself, and that I can deal with this. That I will be just fine. Often I lack that trust, that faith. I need to remind myself, regularly. So, when I catch myself spinning out, getting overwhelmed, I pause. I stop whatever I’m doing. Focus on my breath. Do some mini meditation, let go of the tension in my body. And remind myself that this is just life and I’m here to experience things. Take off the pressure I put on myself, put my struggles in some perspective. Just a few minutes to calm down go such a long way.
- I also made a voice memo to myself in case all else fails. If everything goes to shit, and I feel like hell, that’s what I listen to. The gist of it is: shower, do hair, comfy clothes, eat proper food, go outside for a micro walk, get enough sleep. Interspersed with some motivation because I can anticipate what I will be thinking that will have stopped me from getting up and doing it already.
activities to distract myself
- Drawing, playing the piano, knitting (been really into that lately), trying a new recipe, tai chi, yoga (I recommend @yoginimelbourne on YouTube), playing games, going on walks, cuddling, whatever gets you out of your head. Oh, and clean up my space. Makes such a difference, just declutter your room, your apartment, your phone, everything. You’ll feel much lighter.
listen to some music
- This gets its own point because I don’t know what I would do without it. Whether I need a song like ‘Upside Down’ by Jack Johnson or ‘Hey Stephen’ by Taylor Swift, I’ve got whole playlists curated to different moods and needs. Sometimes I just need to be in my feels for a while and be proper sad or I might need something upbeat to dance to to get me out of a funk or something with lyrics to remind me that I am so lucky to be in the position I’m in, well, I’ve got playlists and songs for it all. And you might not want to go to the effort of making playlists and all that but if music helps you even half as much as me, having a few songs picked out for certain situations might be worth it. Or find some playlists that other people created that you like.

So yeah. Those are my strategies. And they really do help. Even if I’m grumpy or down bad, and think there is nothing that will ever make me feel better again, one of the above always helps. It might take some time but they truly do. And having these strategies in place to fall back to when I’m not in the headspace to figure out what I need has been very helpful.

And like I said, if all else fails, this is what I do: I ditch everything that can wait till tomorrow. Even if you feel like nothing can, ditch everything for at least an hour. Take a shower, brush your hair, properly wash your face, get into some comfort clothes, get some proper food in you, go outside for ten minutes and walk around the block. And then make sure you get enough sleep, maybe directly go to sleep after that if you can. That’s my reset routine, and it does fit into an hour if it has to. It really makes such a difference. Try it out.

Feeling your feelings. That’s advice that I often heard when I was younger and it used to confuse me so much. For example, if I was anxious, I’d be like, well I am feeling anxious but how is that helping?? But what I have discovered is meant by this advice is not trying to really let yourself fall into the emotion, but instead it’s feeling the bodily sensation that goes along with it. We all feel emotions in different parts of the body. I personally hold sadness in my chest and anger in my throat. Anxiety is a pit in my stomach. And feeling this physical part of an emotion helps me because if I’m anxious and I focus on my body and I’ve got a tummy ache, well, first of all I’ve had worse tummy aches hhaha. But secondly, it helps remember that it’s not your circling thoughts that define this feeling, it’s also something more tangible. And then I can breathe into my stomach, breathe into the tummy ache, and try to let go of it bit by bit. And even if it doesn’t go away, it really helps me personally to get out of my head and ground myself in my body.

All of this reminds me of something I wrote in my diary recently. Let me go find it real quick:

Life is a balancing act. How much to share or to keep to yourself, how much to rest or to work, how much to give or to take. And almost nothing is black and white. It’s the grey that makes life at times beautiful and at times unbearable. Sometimes both at once.

Quite poetic, huh. HAHHA. Sometimes you’re better at balancing and sometimes it’s more difficult, that’s quite human. I’ve definitely had phases where I have been better at balancing than right now but this last week actually was such an improvement because I made all of the above pointedly a priority and now I feel much more at peace.

Wrap up

I hope this finds its way to someone that needs to hear this. I hope it helps at least one person on this planet feel a little bit better =) And humans are all very similar therefore most of these things will help most of us, and most people know that, but for me personally it has made quite a difference to have it written down somewhere where it will find me when I am not in the mood to take care of myself. Because I tend to forget. I hope now you don’t.

Lotsa love, Skye