#8 Is it new years yet? my favorites and reflections - a 2023 time capsule

Hiya, how are you? I am indeed still alive and I have not forgotten about this blog. I did forget about this particular post for a while though lol, which is why this is late. I mostly wrote this at the end of December 2023, fitting, since it’s supposed to be an end of year / new year thing, but I didn’t post it because I wanted to tweak some details and then exam period panics hit and I completely dropped everything for the last three to four weeks. But I’ve written all but one exam now and I’m on the train and it’s been a long day of studying, so I’ve decided against continuing to study on the train and for spending some time blogging instead. So, here we are haha. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

end of December 2023

Happy holidays! In Swiss German, we say ‘Guete Rutsch’, which word-for-word translates to ‘good slide’. So, basically we wish each other a smooth slide into the new year. Languages are funny. I thought I’d get the time capsule started a bit early, I’ve still got a few train rides left this year.

Also, how cool is it that 2024 starts on Monday, 01/01. That just sits so right.

This concept of time capsuling who I am every year is a thing that I have been doing for a while now. It’s not that original, don’t get too excited hahah.

I’m not too big on new year’s resolutions because I generally do not wait for the new year to come around to make resolutions lol. But I always go a bit crazy with reflection on the past year and with trying to capture the moment. So, I’ve been doing time capsules. I used to write them in my diaries, just for me, and last year I actually decided to film a video instead, but then my laptop broke down and I lost it. Sad, I know. This year I’ve decided I could make it into a blog tradition. Do a time capsule post at the end of each year, maybe look back at old time capsules and reminisce, compare, jada jada. This is about to get personal, read at your own risk.

Ready? Let’s get into it right away. Feel free to think about your own equivalent and capture it in some way as you read along 🙂

General capture of my world at the end of 2023

I am twenty years old. It’s the 26th of December and I am on the train leaving my parents’ house and going back to my place. They have gone ahead to ski and I am gonna work for another two days before I join them. It’s been raining quite a bit but the sky has been crazy, pink and dark grey and generally gorgeous. The sun has been shining in between, it’s really warm for this time of year. I have not grown, still about 164cm tall. I usually either braid the top of my hair or leave it down completely, I’ve finally figured out a way to wear my natural curls without them getting too crazy. The tips have been either orange or bleached throughout the year. I’ve started wearing lip stick towards the end of the year, a shade of light brown that I really like.

Fun facts

newspaper headlines: wars in Gaza and Ukraine
my phone background: Charlie’s background from Heartstopper but in pink with little leaves and saying [bi panic]
coins: Switzerland still uses francs
pets: Aladdin, our cat
what my journal looks like: still the brown one that says “you don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you’ve got something to say”. It’s almost full though.
supermarket receipt so I can see how cheap things were: actually things got quite a bit more expensive over the year. I never take receipts anymore, so here is what my mom said: 5CHF for 10eggs, 4CHF for a 500g loaf of bread, 2CHF for a liter of milk. At Aldi. It’s much more expensive at Migros or Coop.
favorite essay, or school reports: definitely non I did for the physics practical, those were excruciating. I did like the one about Organ-On-A-Chip. Or Wearable Sensors in Health Care. My favorite topics were probably DNA drug delivery and DNA origami but the one about Sunscreen in Cancer Prevention was the most well written.
a drawing I have done this year: a really big minimalistic black and white of a girl walking but I haven’t drawn much this year. I’ve knitted a scarf and am working on a sweater though.

A Day in my Life in 2023

I live in a dorm and the people I share the kitchen with are pretty darn amazing. For the first half of the year I studied nano science full time at the university, then I worked at a firm that makes laboratory equipment and at the hospital over the summer, and now I am working part time at a bakery and am doing part time uni.

Right now, I usually visit my family over the weekend every second week. Which is also when I write these off-the-record posts. Whenever I am on trains back and forth, specifically.

For the past few months, a regular day-to-day day could have gone one of two ways:

Either I got up around 8am-ish, did a morning mobility workout, some chores, studied, cooked lunch, went to uni to study with friends or to a coffee shop to study, went for a run in the early evening, called some friends or family, cooked dinner, and then chilled/chatted/played games in the kitchen.
Or, I got up at 5am, went to work at the bakery, came home around 4pm, did my laundry and immediately took a nap, then watched a movie or studied depending on my stress vs energy levels, cooked dinner and went to bed earlier than usual.

So, I mainly see my uni friends, my work mates, and the people in my dorm kitchen. And on the weekends my family and my friends from home.

Before doing what I am doing now, I was in Egypt and in Paris. Before that I was at home with my parents for a few months, working at the hospital, and before that, I spent all semester at my dorm or at uni and the only thing I did was study. All day everyday. And go to kickboxing once a week. And cook, eat and sleep.

Without my study group the first few months of this year would have been even harder than they were. But I actually enjoyed the material we studied, and I enjoyed going to class, I enjoyed the late nights studying at the library, I even enjoyed the stupid physics practical that we had to write innumerably many reports for.

Except for the fact that I probably had an academic burnout from all that I was doing, I did enjoy the first half of this year. Lol.

Things I enjoy doing more or less every day now, that I might miss sometime in the future: First thing that comes to mind are my morning mobility sessions but I plan to keep doing those. Same with listening to music, and my comfort podcast called ‘Goes Without Saying’. I’m gonna miss my study group because I was so lucky with them. And I’m gonna miss this dorm once I move out, especially my kitchen friends. I’m just gonna miss being in this city so much. I’m gonna miss sitting at the river, and walking alongside it, I’m gonna miss chatting till late in the kitchen, I’m gonna miss my room, I’ll miss living this close to my friends’ houses and chilling in their space, I’ll miss so many things about being here. But I’m not moving out yet 😉 Still here to enjoy these things for a few more weeks or months, we’ll see. First I have to finish my exams haha.

Career

The biggest thing to happen in my career: Well, I started two new jobs, the hospital and the bakery. And I decided to switch from studying nano science and technology to (bio-)medicine. Big changes that I had not anticipated a year ago.

How many Instagram followers do I have: I honestly couldn’t tell you. Can’t remember the last time I checked. Probably a year ago to answer this same question. My public profile (@skyemahdi) I only set up this summer. My guess is about 15 followers. Of which half I know in person, half are probably bots, and non actually read this blog. HA. Wait, I’ll go check. Oh. As of right now, I actually have 40 followers! What?? Okay then haha. Not bad. Wow, I’m really surprised right now. 20 accounts reached in the last 30 days. Huh, alright then. Also, I’m trying to go with a two colored insta grid, purple and orange. Right now it looks a bit whacky and very amateur. Which is alright, I’m new to this. And I also took all the pictures myself, so. That’s pretty cool, I’d say.

What have you learned from your job(s) this year: So much, oh my god. I’m quite good with people, and I actually enjoy working with people immensely. I didn’t expect that. That sounds bad haha, but I just never really thought I was patient enough to work with people. Turns out that’s no problem at all. But I’d say that is the number one thing I’d look for in a job now, having lotsa contact to other people, helping them out, making their day a little bit better. And having a good team, that’s number one actually. Some physical activity is nice as well.

Do you think you’re successful and why: Well, I think I’m a good student, I’ve rediscovered why I like studying. And I am good at my job at the bakery, I’m good with people and I have a great time. And, I have the best friends. I really like my life right now. I like it a lot. I’m very aware that I am in a very unique situation with this gap year and I am enjoying it and trying to live in the moment. I think I am successful in the way that I have taken more direct control of how and what I am doing, that I am more present and have a great group of people surrounding me. Yeah 🙂

Where do you hope to be a few years from now: Studying, living with friends, doing lotsa sports, still writing this blog, working on a novel. Hopefully doing better mentally, prioritizing my health more.

How would you define success for yourself next year: Doing more fun things that I enjoy, spending time with loved ones. Accessing more inner peace, feeling less pressured and more free. And I’ve got some exams to pass. Signing up for another bachelor’s degree, figuring out my life around that choice. Sticking to my priorities as I get busier again, not neglecting myself as soon as I’m stressed out.

What were your biggest wins this year (top 3 accomplishments): Starting therapy. Reconnecting with my siblings and myself. Taking better care of myself and figuring out what pleases me. -> basically realigning my priorities

Quick recap of the year: Reflections and highlights.

How has 2023 treated you? Was it a good year? A fast or a slow one?It was so fast and so slow at the same time. So much happened. For me personally, it was a good year. Made some though and important choices. Got through some hard times to make it to some great times. I’m really proud of myself. For the world overall, I would not think it was that good a year.

How do you feel about your life, your career, your family, and the world: Feeling much better about my life and my career and my family now than a year ago or half a year ago. That’s a big win for me. This year has been a bit of a reset, trying new things, reorienting back to who I used to be, rebuilding the basis. How do I feel about the world? Well. So much conflict, so many horrific things that happened. Quite a few bad choices by big players, people with too much influence in the world, I’d say.

Major events or changes – quick recap: I think I already explored the big ones for me personally. My brother got an apprentice ship position. Grandma had some health problems, and thankfully, she’s more or less okay now. Most of my high school friends started uni, some got partners or finished the military. Some new amazing people in the dorm. I got some diagnosis that I have been coming to terms with. -> Everyone is a year older, and doing better now than a year ago.

What’s most important to you right now: My family. My health. My friends. My freedom and peace.

What are you particularly proud of: My choices to properly act on my priorities.

Are you more confident this year compared to last year: Yes. I was a mess last year. I still am now but I am much more confident, in my body and how I dress, in my interests, in my priorities, in my ability to be resilient and cope with things.

What lesson are you trying to learn atm: I’m trying to learn to let go of things. To not live in certain feelings and memories, and be more present. To let go of tension and pressure as well, relax.

Also something I have discovered is that the thing that I don’t want to do is probably what I need to do in order to feel better. Like, write that essay or get up and take a shower or go outside or figure out how to pay taxes. But I’ve also found that often the thing I struggle with is not doing the work, it’s taking a break. An intentional break, not sitting around numbing myself, but actual real rest. Because watching a movie whilst also scrolling on my phone is not rest, I am just overwhelming my brain. Sitting down, focusing on my breath for a moment, tuning in with how my body feels, closing my eyes and just existing in the moment. I used to always push through it, just move through my emotions, and it’s been such a big change to actually try and notice what it is that I am feeling and where that feeling is located in my body. Stopping and noticing. Been really working on that, because like I said, I have a tendency to rush and be stressed and numb myself and then wonder where all the time went. Not actually properly living at all, especially when I’m busy and my to-do list keeps growing and I should’ve studied more and I’m overwhelmed and stressed. Neglecting my health as well. So stopping and noticing has been big. And then maybe acting on it and helping myself out, doing the things that I now know I should do, like wash my hair or eat something or just acknowledge that I am stressed out so that I can work on a way to calm down and give myself some space to try and figure out how to deal with it. That has been a big thing lately. I need to learn to better read the cues of my body and to trust that I will be fine.

greatest accomplishment: starting this blog and sticking with it

Is there anything that annoys you now that didn’t a year ago: comments on social media. Maybe it’s because I got twitter at the beginning of the year, but also on Instagram, I feel like I used to never see negative comments or comments that make me furious or question humanity, but. Well.

The lowest point of your year: Around Mai, when I crashed. And probably had a burnout. When my body decided for me that I had gone too far, tried to do too much, and forced me to take a break. Quite a brutal reality check.

The highest point of your year: Either Paris and Egypt. Or the last two days(it’s the 29th of December now haha). Paris with a friend was lovely and magical and I saw 5SOS which might have been the best night of my life. And Egypt was two weeks at the beach, on karting tracks, scuba diving and spending every minute with family. It was like time stood still for those days, the sun was shining and so were we all. And the last two days I went skiing with my siblings, and it was freeing and phenomenal, I read a lot in the sun as well, went walking with the dog, watched nostalgic tv shows with the fam. All my best moments are with them, we are so in sync sometimes, we laugh at the same things, notice the same things, know each other so well.

How would you describe this year in one sentence? In one word?: Resetting my priorities and acting on them. Change.

Personal

What made you laugh the hardest most recently?: My sister. Or one of my best friends. I think I hardly ever laugh as hard, whole body, full belly laughing as I do with my family. Especially my siblings. funniest people I know. We also have an incomparably long history of insiders and the same kind of humor. And some of my best friends, they are like family to me. Chosen family, my favorite trope btw.

What made you cry: A text from my best friend. It was after I had had a really bad panic attack, the first one in quite some time, and she reminded me of some things. She was quite adamant and not very gentle about it, but so sweet and kind at the same time, and it was such a contrast to the stupid thoughts my brain had just come up with and temporarily convinced me of, and I burst into tears because it was exactly what I needed to hear.

What is something you are really good at: Making myself laugh.

Do you feel pressure: Yes, all the time. Mostly from myself. That’s one of the things I am trying to let go of. I’ve gotten better at it over the last two or three months I’d say. I’m expecting set backs soon hahahahha.

What is something you couldn’t live without: Staying true to the cringy and overly emotional and personal energy I’ve brought to this whole post so far, and to the blog and my life generally haha: my family. My friends. I guess I could live without most things but it would just be an absolutely miserable existence without them.

Who are your best friends: Right on topic I see. Amina, Khalid. Radhika, Linus^3, Sandro. Manu, Meret, Lara, Rodrigo. Sarah, Louis, Dominic, Mikołaj, Rebecca. Lotsa love <3

Describe your love life in three words. Are you happy with it?: I only need two: Non existent. And truthfully, I have never had a problem with that until some time this year. Maybe it’s because many of my friends seem to suddenly be in love. I don’t know. Then again, I had quite an intense crush for an almost embarrassingly long time, finally acted on it, and it’s not gonna go anywhere, so. Might need some time after that. But I really used to be the person that was all „trust the timing of life, I’m not ready for a commitment to another person like that anyway, what’s meant to be will find you“ etc, and now, idk, it’s different. I think I’ve just generally felt a bit lonely? Or starved of bodily contact. Not necessarily in a sexual way, just generally. Wow, personal haha. Let’s move on.

What has been the most rebellious thing you did this year: Maybe deciding against my current studies subject. And to some people it might be weird that this is such a big deal to me. Americans and British namely because y’all’s systems are weird af. But then again, I’m guessing it’s a bit different in every country, I am just not educated on what many other education systems look like. But in Switzerland you choose a subject to study, like chemistry, and then you do a three year bachelor where every lecture and exercise class is tailored to chemistry. Like, you might have organic and analytic and physical chemistry, some chemistry practicals, whatever. And often the first year is focused on “basics”, but it’s all very specific from the start, you don’t have classes like English if you study chemistry. So, if you switch, which a lot of people do in the first semester, you then usually restart from the beginning. And I’ve already finished more than one year of nano sciences, it’s quite unusual to switch that late. There was a lot of ‘losing a year’-type messaging, and a lot of internalized doubts connected to self image and self worth etc, so it was a big step for me to say, fuck all of it, this does not feel right and I am not gonna ‘just push through’ this one, I am going with my gut.

What do you look for in a partner: Someone that I want to know everything about and that I trust every part of myself with. Golden retriever energy, love for adventure, amazing sense of humor, an honest communicator. Someone that I would want to start a family with when the time comes. Someone that challenges me, someone that feels safe and stable. Someone that sees me, understands me. Someone that feels like home.

What would a perfect day look like: Many different versions of an amazing day. It very much so depends on who I spend it with. Scuba diving, swimming, reading at the beach, having a good drink watching the sunset. Reading in a park, having a coffee and walking along the river, driving around chatting and listening to music, cooking dinner with someone, rollerblading during golden hour, taking a shower, watching a good movie. Maybe working on a project, writing a book, building something. Or working with people or for people, to help them, to achieve something together. -> Basically, some sense of connection, pleasure and achievement. Movement, good food and drink, connection and interaction with my favorite people, sun, a body of water, music, nature, good entertainment especially books, peace. All the basics. I’m simple to please 😉

What is something you are fascinated by: Almost everything. The human mind and body. The universe. It’s such a multi-faceted, colorful world. I love feeling like a little kid that gets so excited by all the mundane marvel of it.

Wildest thing you could be talked into doing: Many things, I’d presume lol. Bungee jumping?

Country I would you love to visit: Iceland, Greece, Namibia or Japan. And any other place, really. South America, Africa, Asia, Oceania. Everything everywhere all at once.

Something you love about yourself: I like that I know myself very well. I like how deeply I am capable of feeling, I like the way I think, I value the way I form opinions, the lens through which I see the world. My excitement over anything anyone could ever find exciting, my ability to see the world through someone else’s eyes. My empathy. Cringy, I know. I like myself, maximal cringe. But I don’t always and I haven’t always, so this list I just came up with so spontaneously actually just made me quite emotional.

Describe your social life and how it has changed. Any new friendships this year?: Oh, yeah:) Some from work, some from new people having moved into the dorm, some from sports. First half of the year I only really talked to my study group, and it was so refreshing after that to finally have more time and energy to be social again, to start going out again as well, concerts, festivals, but also just hanging with people, cooking, playing games.

Any crushes this year?: Oh yeah. It’s been a year of less inhibitions. Asking people out, flirting. Sadly nothing properly worked out, mostly because of distance or timing. Sad beautiful tragic.

An artistic or creative endeavor that has captured you: this blog.

What is your love language: words of affirmation. physical touch. quality time.

What makes you feel close to someone: I’ve had to think about this for a minute. What do my friends have in common, what is it about them that makes me feel so close to them? My friends are all very different from each other but I’ve come to the conclusion that the one thing they have in common is that they are all curious, honest, openminded and accepting. If you’re different, if you have different interests, if you have some different beliefs, different experiences, they will listen to your story and your views. More than that, they will be inquisitive, eager to know more, and even if they don’t end up agreeing they will want to see how you see things and they will not judge, not ’till they know you anyway. They will meet you eye to eye, they’ll humor you, they’ll hear you out, and they’ll give everyone and everything a chance. They are also upfront if there are any problems, and always have your back no matter what. I love my friends, I think it’s quite apparent in the way I talk about them haha.

Someone you want to kiss?: Maybe. Okay, that’s a lie, the answer is hell yeah but it’s not gonna happen though. Shot my shot, and I’ll get over it. Also, there are so many gorgeous people walking this planet, it’s crazy. Would kiss any and all of them, really 😉

Who and what are you in love with?: Life? Cringe, I know, first thing that came to mind. But feeling alive is truly the best feeling though, isn’t it. Also, the sun, the sea. My siblings, my friends.

What do you wish you could own right now?: Um, a mansion at the sea? Unlimited credit cards? Clothes that look good on me? A dog? All the books I’d like? A photographic memory? Idk lol.

How are you at forgiveness: Like I said, I’m not good at letting things go. With forgiveness, it depends, I think I tend to hold a grudge and it’s really hurting myself the most. But I’ve just made a huge step very recently with something big.

Where do you want to be at 2am: asleep. I’m so funny. In someone’s embrace, maybe. Cuddled up with some blankets and cushions and chatting with my favorite people about everything and nothing.

What gives you energy: a sense of community. The sun. Food.

Favorites

type of music: pop, rock, indie, folk, country.

song: right now in this very moment? the acoustic version of State of Grace by Taylor Swift. Or maybe You’re Gonna Go Far by Noah Kahan. Could change in a minute though.

artist: Taylor Swift and 5SOS

sport: to do myself? football, swimming. generally? idk, some kind of dance probably. and F1.

drink: Love Rivella Red, that’s a Swiss drink. And Orange Juice.

food: probably some kind of Asian food. Japanese Orange Duck, I don’t know.

snack: spring rolls, cuties. anything caramel.

thing to cook: I actually like to bake more, and I’d say sheet cake. Which is very easy to make, so maybe I actually just like eating it;)

color: orange and purple. And blue.

clothing item: flared black jeans, my standard choice.

things to do in spare time: read. swim. take a walk. chat with friends. cook with friends.

jewelry: my watch. I got it for my twentieth birthday from my parents.

celebrity crush: Lando Norris, Zendaya, I don’t know. What qualifies as a celebrity crush? Like, when is it a crush? Because like I said, there are many hot people in this world. But that doesn’t immediately qualify as a crush, does it. So does it have to be like, I think we could actually be compatible and I could see an existing potential for this to play out if we ever met or?? Delusion, basically? Like, if they were not in a committed relationship and I could change their sexuality and we would somehow meet and they would somehow then be interested in me etc etc. This is supposed to be a simple question and I am ruining it lol.

movie or TV Show: That’s too hard. I can tell you the last ones that I watched though. The last show I watched was Hawaii 5-o yesterday. I love that show, it’s very nostalgic for me. Family tradition. Last movie I saw was the Incredibles 2 and I really enjoyed that one as well, it’s very creative.

most used app: Whatsapp. Or Anki, which I use to study. Or Notion, my note taking app.

poem or book: too hard. The last one I read was the third Hunger Games. Phenomenal and devastating. Would recommend rereading.

podcast: Goes Without Saying with Sephy and Wing. Phenomenal. My comfort podcast. I’ve listened to every single episode they have brought out in the last two years, some multiple times. These girls got me through some mental plunges.

place: my bed. Or in terms of countries, I’ve been to Egypt, France, and Liechtenstein this year. I like all of them but I guess I’d have to say Egypt.

animal: lioness, wolves. I’m really intrigued by the ocean as well, so crazy how little we know about it. There’s some proper cool animals out there, that give off fluorescent light and stuff but can’t remember any specific ones right now.

thing about your favorite person: their laugh.

smell: food. the smell of garages. the pavement when it’s just rained.

recent purchase: sweatpants. so comfy.

word: oof. ‘yikes’ maybe. or something crazy like ‘sonder’ which is ‘the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk’ (defintion from the dictionary of ocscure sorrows). Awesome word, that. And then there are so many funny weird Swiss German words haha.

Advice, lessons, goals, aspirations, predictions

What would you say to yourself a year ago?: Go easy on yourself. You need some rest. Be a bit gentler, tread a bit lightlier.

What would you want to tell your future self?: Music. Keep being obsessed with music, please. And also, you’re doing great, darling. I believe in you.

What are your hopes for your future self? How much or in what way do you expect to be different in a year? How do you want to grow?: There are some habits that I am trying to build, and some that I want to get rid of and replace. Taking better care of myself, mentally and physically.

What do you think lies ahead for you? What are your wishes for the upcoming year? What are you looking forward to? What are you dreading?: Looking forward to the traveling that I am hoping to do and to starting a new chapter with new studies in a new place. Dreading the exams haha.

Alright, there we go. Quick reminder to give your loved ones a hug!! And if you can, call your parents.

That was really fun, actually. Might be a bit too personal in some places lol but no one is reading this. And right now I really like myself, I think I am funny and cute and smart and I am really proud of how far I’ve come.

Hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think, what you’re answers are, jada jada <3 This is a really long post, so if you have read this far, all my love, hugs and kisses, thank you so much for reading.

Might be February ’till I post again, because I do have one more exam that is rather important, so. I’ll be studying.

Lotsa love, Skye